Billie: “Why does he keep saying ‘I need you the most?'”

Me: ” Well, I guess he is trying to tell his love how much he appreciates them. But really, it is a ridiculously manipulative statement designed solely to make the person in question feel obligated to stay with him despite the fact that he may not be worth it.”

Doug: “HEZZIE.”

Me: “What? He says, ‘ I showed you the game everybody else was playing.’ What, joker, so I owe you now? You showed me how messed up people are and I’m supposed to believe that 1) I couldn’t come to that conclusion myself, and 2) that you’re somehow magically not like the rest of them? Kick rocks with that paranoid mind hacking you mysoginist!!”

Billie: “What’s a misogynist?”

Doug: “HEZZIE.”

Me: “A misogynist is-”

Doug: “HEZZIE. SHE’S FIVE.”

…She’s gotta learn sometime?