Taught cha oughta know

Billie: “There shouldn’t be toddlers in school. Because, if they’re learning, shouldn’t they be called ‘taught-lers?'”

🙄🙄🙄 It is too far passed her bedtime for me to be able to tolerate this.

Taught cha oughta know


It’s late. I get home to find Billie “sleeping” in my bed. I start getting into my PJ’s when she pops up from under the covers to surprise me.

Me: “Yup. I’m naked. Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?”

Billie: “I like it best when I’m naked. You can really see the real you. When you’re naked you see who you are on the inside.”

Me: “Well, I mean, not technically.”

Billie: “Should we get technical and open you up? I know where the knives are.”


Making New Mistakes

Billie: “Mistakes are proof that you’re trying.”

Me: “Yes. But that was decidedly NOT a mistake.”

Billie: “It was a mistake I tell you! A mistake.”

Me: “Billie. You just started screaming about butts and Chinese food.”

Billie: “It was a song for America! Do you not like America?”

Me: “You were supposed to sing a lullaby for your cousin. Not a metal scream fest about booty and chow mein.”

Billie: “In my defense, I feel like every song should be about butts and Chinese food. Think about it, Mother. Just think about.”

Making New Mistakes

They can’t all be winners.

Billie: “Hey Mom!”

Me: “Billie. Go to bed.”

Billie: “I made you a toy!”

Me: “It’s a piece of clear tape folded over on itself with glue inside it.”

Billie: “Yup!”

Me: “It squishes between my fingers.”

Billie: “It’s a squishy toy!”

Me: “There’s glue all over my fingers.”

Billie: “Oh. I guess the sides are still open.”

Me: “Billie. Go to bed.”

Billie: “I know the are some things I have to work on but you don’t need to take it out on my squishy toy.”

They can’t all be winners.

The Cat

Doug: “Where’s Billie?”

Me: “She’s trapped under the couch.”

Doug: “Why?”

Me: “She’s decided she’s a cat now.”

Doug: “Uh… Is she OK?”

Me: “She has a squirt bottle full of water next to her. She says that’s her sustenance in case she gets thirsty.”

Doug: “Right. But, like, have you tried to get her out from under the couch?”

Me: “Oh, I offered. But she just sighed deeply and said, ‘This is my life now, Mother. This is my life.'”

The Cat