Doug: “Damn, I make a good housewife.”

Me: “yea you do! I don’t, though. What’s that song? ‘You should never try to make a hoe a housewife?’”

Billie: “Make a hoe a housewife?”

Me: “Yea, it was off Dr. Dre’s Chronic 2001 album.”

Doug: “I really don’t think any of this is appropriate content for our child, Heather.”

Me: “This is the same child who made a kid’s friendly version of ‘WAP.’ I do believe that ship has sailed.”

Billie: “🎶 Get a bucket and a mop for these Sunday chores, Gimme everything you got for these Sunday chores 🎶”

Doug: “(to me) You are gunna be so screwed when school goes back into session. You’ll be at all the parent meetings.”

Me: “How is that any different from normal?”

Billie: “She’s right, Dad. My mouth gets us in trouble all the time.”