A golden girls reference plus massive sass

Me: “Do I have any sauce on my face?”

Billie: “Yea. You have sauce on your double chin.”

Me: 😐

Billie: “You still have sauce on your double chin.”

Me: “Could you stop calling it my double chin, though?”

Billie: “Your triple chin?”

Me: “You know, when I get older you’re getting me the best retirement home money can buy. It’s your penance for treating me this way. No expense spared, ya hear?”

Billie: “πŸ™„Sure thing, Sophia. Shady Pines it is.”

A golden girls reference plus massive sass

Dress to impress

Billie: “Please try to dress fancy for my assembly today. Poor grades means you would come in a poncho. Good grades means you should come dressed well. Great grades means you should be looking like fire, mother. I didn’t work this hard for you to be walking up in there in yoga pants.”

Dress to impress

Maths

Billie: “We had a math test today.”

Me: “Oh? How do you think you did?”

Billie: “Well, there were 34 questions but the teacher said to only do half of the test. So I answered 20 questions.”

Me: “I’m not sure you did well on that test.”

πŸ˜…πŸ€¦

Maths

Serial Lover

Amy (9): “HI BILLIE!!”

Billie (9): “Hi Amy! Mom, I gave Amy your number so we can have a play date this weekend.”

Me: “Oh, sounds awesome. We’d love to have you, Amy.”

Amy: “Thanks! I’m SO excited!”

Billie: “Yea. Hopefully she’s not a serial killer.”

Amy: “Oh, NO! I’m a cereal LOVER. Lucky Charms are delicious. Who would ever try to hurt cereal???”

Billie: “That’s, um. Not what I– you know what? Nevermind. Lucky Charms are delicious, Amy.
(Then, to me:) This weekend is going to be fun. πŸ˜‰”

Serial Lover

Web-lite

Billie: “Computer- take me to the hardest math problem in the world.”
Me: “Uh, whatcha doing?”
Billie: “I’m going on the light web.”
Me: “What’s that?”
Billie: “It’s like the dark web. But for nerds.”

Web-lite

🀦🀷

Billie was asking me a bunch of questions and I wasn’t paying attention. I just kept saying, “I dunno, go ask your father.”

I know I definitely missed something because Billie just came back to me and reported:

“For the crazy sleepover he said ‘yes.’ For selling my DNA he said ‘No.'”

What the fuck did I just miss?

🀦🀷

Morning

Me: “Dude. For the last time: Wake up! We have to go!”
Billie: “I CAN’T. Pichachu is dealing with a hangover.”
Me: “That’s great but you aren’t. So let’s–”
Billie: “YOU DON’T KNOW MY LIFE, LADY.”

I’ve created this. I’ve created this and it’s consuming me.

Morning

We’ve Got Character

Billie is dressed for school in baggy ass sweat pants, and a big zip up hoodie. Looks like an entire fabric store ate a human.
Me: “That’s, um. That’s a look.”
Billie: “It’s ‘Character Day’ at school. I’m going as my favorite character.”
Me: “Who’s that?”
Billie: ‘You.”

Walked right into that one. 🀦

We’ve Got Character