One. Job.

Billie: “Mom! The tooth fairy came and left me a dollar but she didn’t take my tooth!”
Doug (whispering): Shit. I couldn’t find which pillow she put it under!!
Me (to Billie): “Maybe the tooth fairy–”
Billie: “WHOA! SHE LEFT ME TWO DOLLARS! And… some change? Is this a nickel? Mom? Was the tooth fairy drunk?”
Me (to Doug): “Bro. You had ONE JOB.”

One. Job.

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