Doug: “Where’s Billie?”

Me: “She’s trapped under the couch.”

Doug: “Why?”

Me: “She’s decided she’s a cat now.”

Doug: “Uh… Is she OK?”

Me: “She has a squirt bottle full of water next to her. She says that’s her sustenance in case she gets thirsty.”

Doug: “Right. But, like, have you tried to get her out from under the couch?”

Me: “Oh, I offered. But she just sighed deeply and said, ‘This is my life now, Mother. This is my life.'”