Billie: “Look, Mom! I made a sculpture of you!”
Me: “OMG THAT’S SO COOL! Wait. Is sculpture me pregnant?”
Billie: “What? No, those are your boobs.”
Me: “Why are my boobs down by my hips?”
Billie: “I gotta make ’em how I see ’em, Mom.” *Sighs heavily* “Gotta make ’em how I see ’em.”

I’m moving far away. To an island somewhere. Going off the grid completely. Good luck with school and life, Billie. Catch you on the flip.