​Billie: “Daaaaaad! I think I swallowed poison!”

Doug: “Why do you think that?”

Billie: “Because I just gulped and the air felt  heavy in my throat.”

Doug: “I mean, did you take a pill?”

Billie: “No.”

Doug: “Was there a bottle that had ‘XXX’ on it?”

Billie: “No.”

Doug: “Did you see a skull and crossbones anywhere?”

Billie: “No. But it just feels heavy sometimes when I get sad.”

Me: “It’s the patriarchy. She swallowed the patriarchy.”

Doug: “Hezzie, you’re not helping.”

Me: “Just think of your right to vote and take deep breaths, Billie. You’ll be alright.”

Doug: “Damnit, Hezzie–”

Billie: “…I get to vote I get to vote I get to vote…”