The Formidable Debating Prowess of a Six Year Old

Billie: “Moooommmm. I can’t go to the bathroom. It’s dark in there.”
Me: “You have a flashlight to get you to the bathroom and then you can turn on the light once you get there.”
Billie: “BUT WHAT IF A ZOMBIE ATTACKS ME?”
Me: “Then I will grow wings and fly to you, bite off the zombie’s head with my bare teeth, and fly on a unicorn back to bed. Where I belong. Because I’m sleeping.”
Billie: “But- but unicorns don’t exist?”
Me: “NIETHER DO ZOMBIES.”
Billie: “BUT I’M SCARED AND I WILL LITERALLY PEE ON YOU.”

Parenting: Wherein you can solve the problem, be totally right, have completely sound logic, and still 100% lose the battle.

The Formidable Debating Prowess of a Six Year Old

At Least She’ll Have A Successful Career In Politics

Billie: “My picture is better than yours. See? It has a blue ribbon on it.”

Me: “Billie, you drew that ribbon on your picture.”

Billie: “Yes. I did. ‘Cause it’s better.”

Me: “What makes it better?”

Billie: “It’s better because it wins. See? It has a blue ribbon on it.”

Me: “I feel like you’re a little biased.”

Billie: “Not biased. Just right.”

The Blue Ribbon Winner (hers) and the Vastly Under Appreciated Work of Genius (mine)
The Blue Ribbon Winner (hers) and the Vastly Under Appreciated Work of Genius (mine)

Later, Doug caught me looking at the photos and sighing.

Me: “My picture is good, dammit!”
Doug: “Yea, but hers is better.”
Me: “What? Why?”
Doug: “Because it has a blue ribbon on it.”

Sigh.
There is no justice in this world.

UPDATE: due to unfortunate cup placement and bad reflexes Billie’s picture got drenched. Mine remained unharmed. 

I swear I had nothing to do with it. 

But the huge swelling of schadenfreude that I’m feeling at the accident is making me seriously question my parenting skills.

At Least She’ll Have A Successful Career In Politics