A Sex Positive Lullaby For The Ages

Every night we give Billie the option of singing a lullaby or making up her own. Tonight she chose to sing this:

“Bras are awesome

Bras are cool

When bras are around

You can see a boob!”

She continued for five minutes but it mostly just went “boobies boobies boobies yay” after that.

A Sex Positive Lullaby For The Ages

That Tricksy Sun

FLASHBACK: August 14, 2014

Billie: “Mom. The sun is tricking us. It’s yellow, and it puts its yellow on everything. On the trees, on the benches, in the park… Even the sky is different looking because of the sun. And then you try to look into it and it puts spots in your eyes. You try to say, “Hey sun! Don’t put your yellow on everything! Colors are not the same!” And it puts spots in your eyes!

Without the sun colors would not look the same. We just see colors the way the sun wants us to. It’s tricky, the sun is.”

There is a metaphor in here somewhere that I cannot find because it is 7am and my kid decided to be a philosopher rather than sleep like a normal person.

That Tricksy Sun

Breaking The Fourth Wall

Flashback: July 28, 2013

Billie: Momma! I got jokes!
Me: Oh, yea? Let’s hear one.
Billie: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: I don’t know, why?
Billie: Because he knows I’m telling a joke!
Me: Wait- what?
Billie: BAhAHAhAhaHa!!!
Me: That’s a very interesting–
Billie: And then the cat crossed the road and the chicken said, “whatchoo doin’, cat? GET OUT OF MY JOKE!”

…Five minutes later and this joke is still going. Plus side? This is the most self aware joke I’ve heard in a while.

Breaking The Fourth Wall

My Daughter Is My Soulmate

When I was little I never fully grasped the concept of a soulmate. I understood it like this: the soul was a pizza missing a slice and someone came along with a slice that exact size (with the same toppings and everything) to complete you.

And, honestly?
That seemed lame.
One dimensional.
It excluded a world of people, possibilities, and circumstances that I had yet to imagine.

I couldn’t stomach limiting myself that way.

Lately I’ve started to view the soul as a galaxy.
A vast and deep neighborhood of constellations circling in, out, around, and through you- unbound by time, physical form, or logical necessity. Just stars. And energy. And light.
And, by that logic, a soulmate is anyone who enters into your self-made universe (with stars and constellations all their own) and expands it. They give you more to explore, they offer answers to questions you didn’t know you had, they challenge and inspire you to get outside of the comfort of your own silly solar system and stretch into infinite darkness until you find whole communities of light you didn’t know existed. They bring parts of yourself to you that you didn’t realize were yours. They offer you a complete sky’s worth of different viewpoints.
A soulmate is anyone who gives you growth in that way.
And you can have hundreds, hell *thousands* of soul mates. You can expand your world an infinite number of times in an infinite number of directions, never limiting yourself, going as far as you can before the fear freezes you.
Your universe is only as grand as the souls you let complete it.
And, for me, my favorite little soulmate of them all is Billie. It will forever be Billie. She offers me parts of my heart that I didn’t know were missing. She challenges me, enrages me, scares me, and makes me hysterical with love. She’s the most brilliant galaxy that I’ve ever been able to set my telescope on. She’s precious and ferocious and terrifyingly astute. She has the ability to shatter my heart then completely re-inflate it in one sentence. She’s the perfect mess of emotions and tenacity.
She’s my soulmate, my heart, and everything that makes me smile rolled into one incredibly ridiculous child with the most insane comedic timing. I thank my stars every day for her.
And on this and every day I am simply thankful.
For her.
For whatever fate that made it possible for me to be her mommy.
For the opportunity to be invited into her universe.
I am grateful to have found a unique soulmate that completes me in surprising ways.
And I look at the sky now and I’m filled with peace.
My Daughter Is My Soulmate

At Least She’ll Have A Successful Career In Politics

Billie: “My picture is better than yours. See? It has a blue ribbon on it.”

Me: “Billie, you drew that ribbon on your picture.”

Billie: “Yes. I did. ‘Cause it’s better.”

Me: “What makes it better?”

Billie: “It’s better because it wins. See? It has a blue ribbon on it.”

Me: “I feel like you’re a little biased.”

Billie: “Not biased. Just right.”

The Blue Ribbon Winner (hers) and the Vastly Under Appreciated Work of Genius (mine)
The Blue Ribbon Winner (hers) and the Vastly Under Appreciated Work of Genius (mine)

Later, Doug caught me looking at the photos and sighing.

Me: “My picture is good, dammit!”
Doug: “Yea, but hers is better.”
Me: “What? Why?”
Doug: “Because it has a blue ribbon on it.”

There is no justice in this world.

UPDATE: due to unfortunate cup placement and bad reflexes Billie’s picture got drenched. Mine remained unharmed. 

I swear I had nothing to do with it. 

But the huge swelling of schadenfreude that I’m feeling at the accident is making me seriously question my parenting skills.

At Least She’ll Have A Successful Career In Politics