Me: “Man. I just am not about that pants life. No pants for me. Not today.”

Doug: “You are aware that all of our blinds are open, right?”

Me: “Meh. My vagina is covered.”

Billie: (From the other room) “Whoa. IN WHAT???!”

Me: (to Doug) “What is she expecting my vagina to be covered in? Like, what are the options there?”

Doug: “(sigh) …None of this would have mattered if you had just put on pants.”