Billie: “🎶Drink up the poison!
Then die a terrible death!
Drink up the poisoooonnnnnn!
Then die die DIIIIIEEEEEE.🎶”
Doug: “Billie, let’s not make up songs about murder or people dying, ok?”
Billie: “WHAT!? WHY NOT??”
Doug: “Because it’s not always approp—”
Billie: “But, no dad. This is how I play.”
Doug: “Your idea of ‘playing’ is to ride around on your scooter and sing songs about death?”
Billie: “Yea!!! Wait… Yours isn’t??”
She’s gunna be a ball of fun when she’s a teenager.
Billie: “That boy right there is the one who keeps knocking my blocks down.”
Me: “Really? I’m so sorry, Billie. That must be frustrating.”
Billie: “Really frustrating. I build and build and he just knocks my stuff down. I ask him to play but he just pushes my buildings over.”
Me: “Sometimes, when people destroy our buildings they actually help us see the flaws in our design. So that, next time, we can build something even stronger.”
Billie: “Like the pigs and the big bad wolf?”
Me: “Exactly like that.”
Billie: “So, then, I can build something so strong his tiny muscles can’t even touch!”
Billie: “But also- he kinda did a mean thing.”
Me: “Oh, yea, dude. That was a totally mean thing to do.”
Me: “Yes, love?”
Billie: “Didn’t the big bad wolf fall into a fire place and catch fire?”
Me: “Billie. You cannot set someone on fire because they knocked your blocks down.”
Billie: “Ok. Just checking.”
FLASHBACK: 27, February 2014.
Billie: “Mommy. I love you very twice.”
Me: “Very twice?”
Billie: “Yup! Dat’s a very much a lot.”
Me: “Aw, thanks, Billie. I love you so mu–”
Billie: “Oh, and mommy?”
Me: “Yes, love?”
Billie: “Our doggy is a butt princess.”