Billie: “I get nervous. And that means sometimes I start to feel light. Like, all of my emotions are just so big. They are bigger than me and heavier than me. & I feel really light. And every emotion and every memory ever comes into my brain and I float away with them. That’s what I mean when I say I’m getting nervous.”
Spit Hot Fiyah.
Billie: “That woman is so not fire. This woman (pointing to herself) is. FIYAH I SAID.”
The Devil Is In The Detail.
Those of you who know me know my penchant for messes. My car might as well be a mobile testament to that fact. A vehicular art piece personifying my internal struggle with order and asepsis.
In an act of kindness and futility combined, Doug and Billie decided to surprise me and get my car detailed. When I got to my car this morning I saw that, not only was it spotless, but it had a few, uh, accouterments added to its interior.
“Uhhh… Is my steering wheel bejeweled?”
Doug: “Yea. Billie said it needed to be decorated.”
“Oh. Right. Ok. Um… That’s a very pink air freshener.”
Doug: “it’s a Berry Blast scented fleur dis lis. Also Billie’s idea.”
“Douglas.”
Doug: “Yes?”
“My floor mats are leopard print.”
Doug: “Yea… We–”
“When I mentioned it would be nice to have my car detailed I didn’t mean–”
Billie: “You wanted details, woman! I GAVE YOU DETAILS.”
Aye. Thanks, Billie.
Another Week Another Billie Video
Just download a star and write a video…
Astute
Billie: “What is this show?”
Me: “Oh, I’m watching something where they’re showing clips of the Miss America Pageant.”
Billie: “The Miss America Pageant?”
Me: “Yes.”
Billie: (looking closely at the clips of women walking around in dresses) “That’s not what it should be called.”
Me: “No? What should it be called, then?”
Billie: “It should be called, ‘Do You Like Me?’ Yea. That’s the name of that show.”
Well… Basically.
Food Family
Billie: “There’s a kid in my class who likes rice crispy treats so every day I give him my rice crispy treat.”
Me: “That’s really kind of you. Does he share anything with you in return or do you just give him what you have?”
Billie: “I just give it to him. But yesterday I wanted Benjamin back and he didn’t give me Benjamin.”
Me: “Wait- Is Benjamin the name of the kid or-?”
Billie: “No! It’s the name of my rice crispy treat.”
Me: “You named your snack?”
Billie: “Of course I did. He’s my food family. He’s my brother.”
Me: “You gave your brother away?”
Billie: “Well, yea. I give you away to your work every day and you come back.”
Me: “Right. But I’m not a delicious rice krispy treat.”
Billie: “Yea. ‘Cause then you would get eaten. (Pause) I really wish my brother wasn’t so delicious. Now he’s some kid’s poop.”
…This conversation took a turn somewhere and I did nothing to help it. 🙄
Wherein My Daughter Wants to Warn You About Zombies
I’m not going to lie. This was ridiculously fun to make.
A Sex Positive Lullaby For The Ages
Every night we give Billie the option of singing a lullaby or making up her own. Tonight she chose to sing this:
“Bras are awesome
Bras are cool
When bras are around
You can see a boob!”
She continued for five minutes but it mostly just went “boobies boobies boobies yay” after that.
What’s In A Name
Me: “What is your teachers name?”
Billie: “MRS. FRANKENSTEIN!”
Me: “You mean Madame Florence?”
Billie: “THAT’S her name?”
Me: “Yea.”
Billie: “It’s not Mrs. Frankenstein?”
Me: “Nope.”
Billie: “You sure?”
Me: “Pretty sure it’s been Madame Florence ever since you started this school two weeks ago.”
Billie: “Her name hasn’t been Mrs. Frankenstein for two weeks?!!”
Me: “If not longer.”
Billie: (thinks for a moment) “Well, she’s lucky.”
Me: “Why’s that?”
Billie: “Because Mrs. Frankenstein is a cool name. I guess I’m just nice like that.”
Oh, yea. That’s it. Nice.
A Walk In The Park
Things my kid has said while insisting she could steer this two person Surrey:
“I think I got a hang of this– wait– who put that tree there??”
“This would be a lot easier if I knew how to drive.”
“I think that chipmunk just winked at me. Hellooooooo, chipmunk!”
Mother’s Note: All of these were promptly followed by us careening off the bike path.
Billie's Momma 