Breakfast for Dinner

My Plan:
Make Billie breakfast for dinner and clean the house before Doug gets home.

What Actually Happened:
Start making bacon
Dog flips over it’s dish
Clean up dog dish
Get out ingredients for mini muffin tin pancakes
Let Billie help
Salt spills all over the floor
Turn bacon
Slip in salt upon closing the oven door after turning bacon
Billie pours milk in the Dog’s dish, because, naturally, it “makes my bones healthy so it will make her bones healthy. Oh! Maybe we can make pancakes IN the dog dish!!”
Clean up dog dish
Stir pancake ingredients
Too thick- add milk
Run out of milk- add yogurt
Billie dumps yogurt on her face trying to pour it into her mouth
Dog tries to lick it off
Clean Billie
Remove dog from room
Pancakes still too thick
“The batter feels like play-doh, mommy! Stick your hand in it”
Scratch making pancakes, play with “play-doh”
Play doh gets on walls
Billie slips in salt
Where did that yogurt come from?
“I like this. It’s like I am wearing a dress made from pancake!”
Why are you naked?
What is that smell?
How did your pants get in the toaster?
Why does this room look like a bakery exploded?
Burn bacon

Breakfast for Dinner

Lost In Translation

FLASHBACK: November 13, 2013

Me: “okay, you’re almost ready for school. You just need to finish your breakfast, brush your teeth, and put on your shoes.”

Billie: “OK. I need to take off my clothes and play with my baby lion.”

Me: “yea, no. That’s not even close to what I said. What did I just tell you to do?”

Billie: “you said, ‘OOOOOHHweeee Billie Baby you needta dance yo lil booty off bay-beh!'”

Me: “nope. Not what I said.”

Billie: “But, mommy, (starts chanting) you like mah boooooty you like mah booooottttaye!!!!”

Me: sigh.

Billie: (now dancing in circles) “Shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shakin my booootaye! Shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shakin my booootaye!!!!”

…Ya’ll, if I could make it just one morning without this kid showin’ me her butt I would consider it the greatest of all personal wins.

Lost In Translation