Indecent Exposure

March 29, 2015 ObieWanJacobyBillie quotes, family, love, neighborsLeave a comment

Billie: “MOM!”
Me: “What’s up, B? I’m in the shower.”
Billie: “You’re in the shower?!”
Me: “Yes.”
Billie: “Are you naked?”
Me: “Uh, yea. That kinda comes with the territory of being in the shower.”
Billie: “Are you wet?”
Me: “What? Yes, dude. That also comes with the territory of being a shower.”
Billie: “Well, I wanna go to the store with you and daddy.”
Me: “Um. Ok. I’m still in the shower. But let daddy know I want to talk to him.”
Billie: “Really?? Uh, ok…

DADDDDY!!! MOMMY’S NAKED AND WET AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU SHE HAS TACOS FOR YOUUUU!!!!”

…I’m so glad we chose to open all our windows today. Our neighbors must love us.

The Enforcer

March 27, 2015 ObieWanJacobyBillie quotes, candy, children, family, food, i get no breaks, love, motherhood, parenting, quotes, science, stealingLeave a comment

Billie: “Mommy?”

Me: “Yes?”

Billie: “Did you eat my candy last night?”

Me: “…Yes? (sigh) Yes. I did. I’m sorry.”

Billie: “NO! NO, MOMMMY! No. You did not listen to your brain. YOU DID NOT LISTEN TO YOUR BRAIN! Your brain was telling you, ‘That’s Billie’s candy. She is going to want that’ and you just said, ‘Nooooo brain. I can’t hear you, brain. I’ma eat up the candy. Eat it right up into my belly!'”

Me: “Billie, I’m very sorry. I will replace the candy–”

Billie: “Your eyes and your brain are best friends, did you know that? Your eyes and your brain are best friends. Your eyes see and your brain remembers. When your eyes and brain don’t talk then bad things happen. Like you EATING MY CANDY.”

Me: “Bills, I get it. I said I was sorry.”

Billie: “Ok. Ok. It’s OK. I just… I wanted that candy for breakfast.”

Me: “You can’t have candy for breakfast.”

Billie: “Well, I can’t NOW.”

…She is going to be a force to be reckoned with during Halloween…

The Most Important Meal

March 24, 2015 ObieWanJacobyBillie quotes, breakfast, children, diabetes, diet, eating habits, in a perfect world I would eat like this daily, intelligence, love, motherhood, quotesLeave a comment

Billie: “No! I want chocolate milk and cheeseballs for breakfast. It’s a healthy choice. You’re only saying ‘no’ because you want them all to yourself!”

She’s on to me, guys.

Deep Thoughts

March 22, 2015 ObieWanJacobyepic, future philosopher, humor, jokes, love, motherhood, parenting, pee, serious business, truth1 Comment

Billie: “Humans are just skin bags filled with pee.”

Gravity is Bringing Us Down

March 16, 2015 ObieWanJacobybedtime conversations, Gravity, love, motherhood, parenthood, parentingLeave a comment

Billie: “I’m thinking about a piece of string. If you put something on it, that thing will just fall down. That’s gravity. But if you tie a knot in the string, that thing will stop. Gravity is put on pause there. But it’s always there. I like gravity. It keeps me on my bed. If I didn’t have it I would float up above and I wouldn’t be able to rest on my bed or feel my pillow. Gravity is like magic that you can’t see but feel everyday. It’s like love that way. But love doesn’t keep my pillow on my bed. So I like gravity better I think.”

Babies and Science Projects

March 8, 2015 ObieWanJacobybabies, baby fever, childhood, children, Dogs, family, humor, love, motherhood, not happening, parenting, scienceLeave a comment

Billie: “Mom. That baby is screaming. He screamed right in my ear.”
Me: “That’s what babies do, dude. You’re the one who wants a baby brother. If you had one- that’s what would happen. He would scream in your ear.”
Billie: “No. That’s not what I want. I want a baby that would scream in *your* ear. And I would just love him and put him in my machine that makes him a puppy dog.”
Me: “Why don’t you just ask for another puppy dog?”
Billie: “Because a puppy- dog- brother- baby is cooler. And I wanna see your belly grow big.”

I can’t tell if she’s a total creeper or a mad scientist.

Wherein We Make Communal Wishes

March 7, 2015 ObieWanJacobyawesomeness, Billie, Billie quotes, blogging, child, childhood, craziness, crazy, creativity, dandelions are a political statement, wishesLeave a comment

Billie picked up a dandelion. She put it to my lips and said, “Make a wish, mommy!”

I obliged.

Billie: “What did you wish for?”

Me: “I can’t tell you- then it won’t come true.”

Billie: “No. I don’t like that.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Billie: “If you don’t tell people what your wishes are then they can’t help them come true. You have to tell people what your wishes are. People can only help if they know.”

Screw the superstitions. I like her logic way better.

Pj Daze

March 2, 2015 ObieWanJacobycreativity, fashion, fatherhood, love, wardrobeLeave a comment

She put on these colorful pajamas and told Doug she was ready to go out for the day.
Doug told her those looked too much like pajamas so she couldn’t wear them out for the day. But, he was willing to compromise. If she could put on a skirt or something to make it look more like daytime clothes then she could wear it.
She added those equally colorful shorts you see in the photo.
…I’m interested to see if she wins this one.

Motherhood & Slaying Dragons

March 1, 2015March 1, 2015 ObieWanJacobyacceptance, adulthood, advise, Aspirations, awesomeness, Billie, Billie quotes, blogging, child, childhood, children, craziness, creativity, motherhood, workingLeave a comment

I work a lot.

Like, A LOT.

And I love my job. It’s ridiculous and fulfilling and filled with the coolest people on this (and every other) universe.

But I work a lot.

And, when you work a lot, you tend to miss out on hanging out with your child.

So, tonight, I came home to a Billie who was dead asleep. Billie has often been dead asleep when I crawl in to hug her goodnight. In the beginning, I was racked with guilt. I was a terrible mom. I felt the pressure to be there for every waking moment on top of being there for my family financially. It has always been tough and stressful and I constantly struggle with my role as a mommy in the workforce.

But tonight.

Tonight I came home and kissed a thoroughly asleep Billie. She unconsciously wrapped her arms around my neck as I kissed her cheek.

“Did you catch all the dragons, Mommy?” She says this without waking up.

…

Yes, Billie.

Yes I did.

Mommy loves you.

Precious Moments

February 28, 2015 ObieWanJacobyAspirations, awesomeness, Billie, Billie quotes, butt princesses, child's play, childhood, children, humor, love, moms, motherhood, mothering, parentingLeave a comment

FLASHBACK: 27, February 2014.

Billie: “Mommy. I love you very twice.”

Me: “Very twice?”

Billie: “Yup! Dat’s a very much a lot.”

Me: “Aw, thanks, Billie. I love you so mu–”

Billie: “Oh, and mommy?”

Me: “Yes, love?”

Billie: “Our doggy is a butt princess.”

Well.

Okay, then.

Good talk.

Billie's Momma

I have a daughter named Billie and she's rather awesome.