A Sex Positive Lullaby For The Ages

Every night we give Billie the option of singing a lullaby or making up her own. Tonight she chose to sing this:

“Bras are awesome

Bras are cool

When bras are around

You can see a boob!”

She continued for five minutes but it mostly just went “boobies boobies boobies yay” after that.

A Sex Positive Lullaby For The Ages

Toddlers & The Art Of Scapegoating

FLASHBACK: August 11, 2014

I just found an ink pen, finger paint, and a costume zebra tail in my bed sheets.

Me: “You know, I can’t be sure, but I think this is your fault.”

Billie: “Well. If you can’t be sure then we should just blame it on daddy.”

Solid plan of action, kid.

Says the future politician
Says the future politician
Toddlers & The Art Of Scapegoating

Breaking The Fourth Wall

Flashback: July 28, 2013

Billie: Momma! I got jokes!
Me: Oh, yea? Let’s hear one.
Billie: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: I don’t know, why?
Billie: Because he knows I’m telling a joke!
Me: Wait- what?
Billie: BAhAHAhAhaHa!!!
Me: That’s a very interesting–
Billie: And then the cat crossed the road and the chicken said, “whatchoo doin’, cat? GET OUT OF MY JOKE!”

…Five minutes later and this joke is still going. Plus side? This is the most self aware joke I’ve heard in a while.

Breaking The Fourth Wall

And You Give Yourself Away

When I was little I was prone to epic tantrums.
Like, balls to the wall, burst your ear drums type tantrums.

One day, my mom noticed that I would calm down whenever U2’s “With or Without You” played. It grounded me in a very visceral way. It quickly became our song. Whenever it came on, we would smile at each other, turn up the radio, and sing it at the top of our lungs.

Billie is currently staying with my mom for the rest of June in California and, apparently, the song came on the radio. My mom explained that it was our song. Billie said, “I want it, too. It’s all of our song. We share it together.”

Now, if we can just completely ignore the fact that the song is about unrequited love and a severely codependent relationship then this would be just about the sweetest thing ever.

And You Give Yourself Away

My Daughter Is My Soulmate

When I was little I never fully grasped the concept of a soulmate. I understood it like this: the soul was a pizza missing a slice and someone came along with a slice that exact size (with the same toppings and everything) to complete you.

And, honestly?
That seemed lame.
One dimensional.
It excluded a world of people, possibilities, and circumstances that I had yet to imagine.

I couldn’t stomach limiting myself that way.

Lately I’ve started to view the soul as a galaxy.
A vast and deep neighborhood of constellations circling in, out, around, and through you- unbound by time, physical form, or logical necessity. Just stars. And energy. And light.
And, by that logic, a soulmate is anyone who enters into your self-made universe (with stars and constellations all their own) and expands it. They give you more to explore, they offer answers to questions you didn’t know you had, they challenge and inspire you to get outside of the comfort of your own silly solar system and stretch into infinite darkness until you find whole communities of light you didn’t know existed. They bring parts of yourself to you that you didn’t realize were yours. They offer you a complete sky’s worth of different viewpoints.
A soulmate is anyone who gives you growth in that way.
And you can have hundreds, hell *thousands* of soul mates. You can expand your world an infinite number of times in an infinite number of directions, never limiting yourself, going as far as you can before the fear freezes you.
Your universe is only as grand as the souls you let complete it.
And, for me, my favorite little soulmate of them all is Billie. It will forever be Billie. She offers me parts of my heart that I didn’t know were missing. She challenges me, enrages me, scares me, and makes me hysterical with love. She’s the most brilliant galaxy that I’ve ever been able to set my telescope on. She’s precious and ferocious and terrifyingly astute. She has the ability to shatter my heart then completely re-inflate it in one sentence. She’s the perfect mess of emotions and tenacity.
She’s my soulmate, my heart, and everything that makes me smile rolled into one incredibly ridiculous child with the most insane comedic timing. I thank my stars every day for her.
And on this and every day I am simply thankful.
For her.
For whatever fate that made it possible for me to be her mommy.
For the opportunity to be invited into her universe.
I am grateful to have found a unique soulmate that completes me in surprising ways.
And I look at the sky now and I’m filled with peace.
My Daughter Is My Soulmate

Role Models

I’ve been super sick today. I barely had enough in me to get Billie from school. When I got there, I was met by her teacher, her face stern.
“Today was career day and all the students were asked what they wanted to be when they grew up. Billie said she wanted to be a kitty cat. I told her that she couldn’t be a cat and she needed to pick a different profession. Do you know what she told me?”
“No,” I responded. I barely had enough energy to stand let alone continue this conversation.
“She told me-” the teacher stops herself short, deciding instead to make Billie take accountability for her reactions, “Billie? Billie tell your mother what you said.”
Billie looked at me very carefully, “I told her…” she continued staring at me like she was steeling herself for the worst, “I told her fine. Then I would just become a teacher so I can tell everyone what to do with their lives.”

And I laughed.
I laughed so hard.
Needless to say it was not the reaction the teacher was looking for.

Role Models