Motherhood & Slaying Dragons

March 1, 2015March 1, 2015 ObieWanJacobyacceptance, adulthood, advise, Aspirations, awesomeness, Billie, Billie quotes, blogging, child, childhood, children, craziness, creativity, motherhood, workingLeave a comment

I work a lot.

Like, A LOT.

And I love my job. It’s ridiculous and fulfilling and filled with the coolest people on this (and every other) universe.

But I work a lot.

And, when you work a lot, you tend to miss out on hanging out with your child.

So, tonight, I came home to a Billie who was dead asleep. Billie has often been dead asleep when I crawl in to hug her goodnight. In the beginning, I was racked with guilt. I was a terrible mom. I felt the pressure to be there for every waking moment on top of being there for my family financially. It has always been tough and stressful and I constantly struggle with my role as a mommy in the workforce.

But tonight.

Tonight I came home and kissed a thoroughly asleep Billie. She unconsciously wrapped her arms around my neck as I kissed her cheek.

“Did you catch all the dragons, Mommy?” She says this without waking up.

…

Yes, Billie.

Yes I did.

Mommy loves you.

Precious Moments

February 28, 2015 ObieWanJacobyAspirations, awesomeness, Billie, Billie quotes, butt princesses, child's play, childhood, children, humor, love, moms, motherhood, mothering, parentingLeave a comment

FLASHBACK: 27, February 2014.

Billie: “Mommy. I love you very twice.”

Me: “Very twice?”

Billie: “Yup! Dat’s a very much a lot.”

Me: “Aw, thanks, Billie. I love you so mu–”

Billie: “Oh, and mommy?”

Me: “Yes, love?”

Billie: “Our doggy is a butt princess.”

Well.

Okay, then.

Good talk.

Rainy Day Aspirations

February 25, 2015 ObieWanJacobyBillie quotes, Dogs, goals, love, motherhood, parentingLeave a comment

Billie: “I wish I could be a dog so I can sniff things closer and dig lower like a dog. And lick the rain petals. I would lick all the rain dry.”

No Space for the Wicked

February 22, 2015 ObieWanJacobycannibalism, food, hunger, love, motherhoodLeave a comment

Me: “Billie, I need my space.”
Billie: “NO SPACE. I EAT YOUR FACE.”

And, thus, I spend the rest of the day with her mouth attached to my cheek.

I can’t help but feel this is karma in motion.

The Truth Comes Out

February 2, 2015February 2, 2015 ObieWanJacobyfood, funny, happy, humor, love, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, secrecyLeave a comment

Billie: “Do you smell that smell? It smells like a bread I used to have when I was a baby. I used to sneak it when you weren’t looking. I was a secret agent baby and I had a secret agent baby home and a secret agent baby computer. And I made an invention to make me grow bigger so that I would like that food that I’m smelling now. That was when I was little and now I am big. But I am still a secret agent.”

Today’s Billie Quotes

January 24, 2015 ObieWanJacobyacceptance, adult supervision, Aspirations, awesomeness, Billie, Billie quotes, blogging, child, childhood, children, craziness, crazy, creativity, etiquette, family, goober, Imagination, love, motherhood, parenthood, parenting, quotables, quotes, sandman, shit my kid says, showers, sleepLeave a comment

“I can’t take a shower. All I can do is stay alive. And poop.”

And

“The Sandman got me in my eyes. Right in my eyes. All they want to do is close. I don’t think he knew that I was trying to party.”

The No Thank You Bite

January 14, 2015 ObieWanJacobychildren, crazy, family, family of four?, father, friendship, funny, humor, kids, love, mother, motherhood, multiple kids, worst nightmare1 Comment

I thought I was a freaking genius when I instituted the “no thank you bite” rule.
I thought I was freaking brilliant.
You see, Billie has always had an issue branching out and trying new foods.
She, quite unlike her mother, is a creature of habit. If you gave her the same meal for the rest of her life she would probably be just fine.
Hence the “no thank you bite” rule.
It compels her to take a bite of everything on her plate, even if she doesn’t really want to. She tries it once, says “no thank you” and we move on. 70% of the time she decides that whatever she just put in her mouth was actually delicious and, despite saying a quick “no thank you” after tasting it, she ends up going back to it.
Thus my daughter expands her food horizons, makes healthier choices, and, most importantly, I feel like a good parent.
Except when it backfires.
Apparently, in my excitement of instituting the “no thank you bite” rule, I forgot to also institute parameters. Namely parameters that prohibited me from having to be responsible for any “no thank you” bites…

I have had to eat some really disgusting stuff, guys.
No amount of “no thank you bite” solidarity is worth this.

Worse? Her talents for negotiation are growing. The following conversation ensued last night:

Billie: “Mommy, can you put a baby in your belly, please? I want a brother or sister. Please?”
Me: “No, baby. Not anytime soon.”
Billie: “How about a ‘no thank you’ try?”
Me: “…”
Billie: “Yup! You have to! A no thank you try!!”

I… I… Just…

Ugh.

#ShitMyKidSays

December 10, 2014 ObieWanJacobyclairvoyence, dreams, funny, humor, kids say the darndest things, lost in translation, love, motherhood, parenting, shit my kid says, spiritual1 Comment

Billie: “I told you it would be hard having a child. I told you!”

Me: “What? When could you have possibly told me that?”

Billie: “Before you had me. I came to your dreams and I said, ‘Mommy. It’s going to be hard having a child!’ And you don’t listen to your dreams I guess.”

I’m creeped out.
But also… Inspired?

“Dude. She’s Fine.”

November 14, 2014November 14, 2014 ObieWanJacobychildhood, children, cold, cough, family, fatherhood, flu, humor, hysteria, irony, love, motherhood, parenting, parents, ridiculous, sick, sickness, toddlers, vomitLeave a comment

Doug said Billie was sick.

I said she wasn’t.

“It’s just as cough,” I said. “She’ll walk it off,” I said.

But Doug persisted. “Billie is sick,” he said.

“Right. Yea, Okay. She’ll be fine. If it persists after a week we’ll call a doctor,” I said.

That was 2 weeks ago.

Tonight Billie coughed so hard she threw up on me.

Five. Times.

Hey guys, guess what?

Billie is sick.

Siiiiiigh,

Doug is going to be UNBEARABLE after this.

Cat’s Got Her Grade

October 30, 2014 ObieWanJacobybehavior, catz, Imagination, kids, love, motherhood, parenthood, school, teachers, toddlersLeave a comment

“How was your day at school today?”

Billie: “Good.”

“Were you a good girl today?”

Billie: “No. But I was a great kitty cat.”

“Did the teacher want you to be a kitty cat?”

Billie: “No.”

“Did she ask you to stop?”

Billie: “Yes. Again and again and again.”

“Did you stop?”

Billie: “No.”

“Why not?”

Billie: “Because I was a kitty cat. Kitty cats don’t know how to stop.”

Either she’s as obstinate as her mother or she’s taking method acting to a whole new level.

Billie's Momma

I have a daughter named Billie and she's rather awesome.

motherhood