Billie quotes
*thisclose*
“You don’t know my thoughts!” The life of the tortured artist/ toddler
Deep Thoughts
Tricksy Sandman
“Let’s Bake It A Cake”
Lost In Translation
FLASHBACK: November 13, 2013
Me: “okay, you’re almost ready for school. You just need to finish your breakfast, brush your teeth, and put on your shoes.”
Billie: “OK. I need to take off my clothes and play with my baby lion.”
Me: “yea, no. That’s not even close to what I said. What did I just tell you to do?”
Billie: “you said, ‘OOOOOHHweeee Billie Baby you needta dance yo lil booty off bay-beh!'”
Me: “nope. Not what I said.”
Billie: “But, mommy, (starts chanting) you like mah boooooty you like mah booooottttaye!!!!”
Me: sigh.
Billie: (now dancing in circles) “Shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shakin my booootaye! Shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shake-ah shakin my booootaye!!!!”
…Ya’ll, if I could make it just one morning without this kid showin’ me her butt I would consider it the greatest of all personal wins.
Indecent Exposure
Billie: “MOM!”
Me: “What’s up, B? I’m in the shower.”
Billie: “You’re in the shower?!”
Me: “Yes.”
Billie: “Are you naked?”
Me: “Uh, yea. That kinda comes with the territory of being in the shower.”
Billie: “Are you wet?”
Me: “What? Yes, dude. That also comes with the territory of being a shower.”
Billie: “Well, I wanna go to the store with you and daddy.”
Me: “Um. Ok. I’m still in the shower. But let daddy know I want to talk to him.”
Billie: “Really?? Uh, ok…
DADDDDY!!! MOMMY’S NAKED AND WET AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU SHE HAS TACOS FOR YOUUUU!!!!”
…I’m so glad we chose to open all our windows today. Our neighbors must love us.
The Enforcer
Billie: “Mommy?”
Me: “Yes?”
Billie: “Did you eat my candy last night?”
Me: “…Yes? (sigh) Yes. I did. I’m sorry.”
Billie: “NO! NO, MOMMMY! No. You did not listen to your brain. YOU DID NOT LISTEN TO YOUR BRAIN! Your brain was telling you, ‘That’s Billie’s candy. She is going to want that’ and you just said, ‘Nooooo brain. I can’t hear you, brain. I’ma eat up the candy. Eat it right up into my belly!'”
Me: “Billie, I’m very sorry. I will replace the candy–”
Billie: “Your eyes and your brain are best friends, did you know that? Your eyes and your brain are best friends. Your eyes see and your brain remembers. When your eyes and brain don’t talk then bad things happen. Like you EATING MY CANDY.”
Me: “Bills, I get it. I said I was sorry.”
Billie: “Ok. Ok. It’s OK. I just… I wanted that candy for breakfast.”
Me: “You can’t have candy for breakfast.”
Billie: “Well, I can’t NOW.”
…She is going to be a force to be reckoned with during Halloween…
The Most Important Meal
Billie: “No! I want chocolate milk and cheeseballs for breakfast. It’s a healthy choice. You’re only saying ‘no’ because you want them all to yourself!”
She’s on to me, guys.
Billie's Momma 